We were in the desert today. The landscape was bleak, parched. It’s strange, because deep inside me God was making all things new.
It’s been an exhausting trip. I felt spent coming out of the summer. Working at Ontario Pioneer Camp tested me and rocked me. It seemed like every hour I was whispering, “Lord, I have no idea what to do in this situation. Please speak and move.”
That’s not what the summer was supposed to be like. I am twice the age of many of the young men on staff and yet I felt like a baby Christian. I was expecting to arrive as the superstar, a well-paid executive with years of business experience ready to spread my hard-earned wisdom… blah, blah, blah.
Early on in the summer I was confronted with a foster kid’s pain, listening to a sickening story of abuse. He used words and images that no one – let alone a tiny child – should use. That’s when I realized something: I am nothing.
Feeling God touch lives through my words and actions and seeing God’s power manifest in the lives of the young staff living out their faith with abandon made me realize something else: God is everything.
For the first few miles of our drive through Ontario to Michigan, I told God I wanted more of Him, whatever it took. He answered my prayer. It’s been a wild ride ever since.
I have faced deep, dark places inside myself. I am a sinner, justified by grace overwhelming. I had miles and miles of time and space to think and to let God move, to ask for forgiveness, especially from Anne.
And God spoke. He said, “Finally, I have your attention. It’s just you and me. We’re alone now. You can’t run to your job. You can’t turn on the TV. You can’t drown me out. I see you. Look into my eyes. You’re 39 and you say you want so much more of me. You say you want to do great things for the Kingdom. Good, but we have much work to do and we’re going to do this fast. This is going to hurt. I see where you are. I see where you’ve been. I see your sin. I see your pain. And I still love you. I am deeply moved.”
So the miles have slid past. I will never be the same. I am forgiven. And I am healed.