Sunday, September 9, 2012

Little children

I was shaken from my thoughts by the scratch of colored pencils and the pitter-patter of little feet, girls floating about the room waving flags and dancing on tippy toes.

It’s not what I’d come for. But it was good.

I’d come to the worship room at Bethel with Anne. I was looking for peace. It felt like the next step in my journey -- learning to sit at Jesus’ feet and worship and pray in spirit and in truth, as the bible says.

The worship was simple... but transcendent. It was just a a guy with a guitar and a woman singing. They let God lead, signing continuously over the 30 or 40 people in the room for an hour or more.

I closed my eyes and let God move. Deeper. Search me.
And then they arrived. A whole mess of kids from Bethel Christian School upstairs. I was in quiet contemplation. They approached God more... vigorously. The young girls flitted about the room. The boys whispered to each other as they drew pictures.

The musicians changed. A young man took to the piano and sang familiar Bethel worship songs. The room filled with the voices of the children, singing along unashamedly while hands dug through pencil cases for the right shade of red or a sharper pencil.

It wasn’t distracting. It didn’t offend me. God didn’t run away. The Holy Spirit didn’t leave.

It was heaven.

Soon, a familiar face appeared beside me. “I’ve been praying for you, standing behind you,” whispered Cassie, her class having arrived earlier.

My heart moved.

I spent a day not long ago alone in our new home, devoting the whole time to God. I listened to worship music while running. I read my bible. I lay down for a long time, praying and listening to worship music. I'd worked hard but by the end of the day I felt more empty than ever. “Lord, come fast, please!” was the final line of my journal entry.

It’s been a month since we left Ontario. A lot has happened. My old self seems a thousand miles away. I’ve forgiven, repented, opened up to God, and sought Him with more abandon than ever before.

The morning in the worship room I wrote, “Lord
, I know you love me. Come against anything in me that blocks your love.” 
The Holy Spirit led me to Song of Songs 2:7, God’s passionate love letter to us. “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

He came that day. Maybe He knew that I needed to sort some stuff out before He took me to the next level of fascination and devotion. I’m ready for more, Lord. I need your love. I won’t confuse it with anything else or let it get mixed up with religion or work or my ego. I'm ready. I just want your love.

                       -- Andrew

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